Are you struggling to connect with your students? Is behavior and disrespect out of control?
I always prided myself in being able to easily connect with my classes. I set high standards and would support my students and hold them accountable. We always had wonderful rapport and mutual respect that seemed to come easy-
THAT IS UNTIL ONE PARTICULAR 7th GRADE CLASS CAME MY WAY.
This class was HARD. For the first two months of school, I would often cry while driving home each day because they weren’t just difficult to connect with, they were downright MEAN. There was no respect, nobody seemed to care about learning, and they had an obvious disdain for me. I was dumbfounded. I had NEVER been in a situation like that before. I considered myself to be a good teacher and I LOVED my students year after year, but this class… it was ROUGH. I wanted to love them and to love teaching them, but they seemed determined to keep that from happening. After two months of tears and not nearly as much academic progress as I would’ve liked them to have, I decided enough was enough.
SOMETHING HAD TO CHANGE.
I pondered over what I could do… I knew I couldn’t change THEM… It would have to START WITH ME. So, I sat down with my journal and decided to list the name of each student in my class and FIND something I could love about them. It was HARD. For some, it was REALLY HARD. I remember one particular student I wrote “Born Leader”; this was the kid that led everyone else in the class in almost outright mutiny on a daily basis. I wasn’t a fan of his “movement” BUT I did have to respect the fact that he could LEAD. Another student I wrote “Stands up for what she believes in” (she often stood up to me when she didn’t want to do things, and as much as I didn’t like that- I must say it is a lost art to stand for what you believe in). You get the idea. I wrote only POSITIVE things about each student- trying to find the silver lining for each child and their motivations/actions in my class. I did this to help CHANGE ME. I figured if I tried harder to see the good, maybe it would help me connect. The next day as they entered my classroom, I saw them in a different light. The disrespect that I had grown accustomed to with that class began and I felt prompted to get my bag and take out my journal. I sat down on my desk facing the students and got REAL with them. I told them that I had been struggling to teach them and that I wanted things to improve. I then told them that I had gone home and written in my journal about each one of them. They didn’t believe me, so I broadcast my journal pages up on the screen for them to see…
(*names have been changed for privacy)
WHAT I ADMIRE & LOVE ABOUT MY STUDENTS:
ANDREW: BORN LEADER
BIANCA: STANDS FOR WHAT SHE BELIEVES IN
CHARLIE: EXCELLENT PROBLEM SOLVER
I read each one aloud, with tears in my eyes. The room fell quiet.
24 names and what I admired and loved about them.
In a moment, EVERYTHING CHANGED.
After reading my list to them, I told them that I became a teacher because I wanted to help inspire future generations, to help them have the lives that they dream about. I told them that I was struggling with their class because I wanted so badly to help them, but I felt as though they did not want my help. I asked them what I could do to improve things moving forward. The TOUGHEST KID in my class stood up and said, “Miss- You’re already doing it.” We put aside Science that day. I spent the day getting to know my students in a deeper way. I asked about their dreams, their hobbies, their families. That night I went to support some of my students at a Basketball game. I started volunteering to help with dances, with fundraisers for other organizations. I attended their outside of school games and performances. I never lowered my standards, and they eventually met and exceeded them!
They ended up being my favorite class that I have ever taught. And one year later surprised me with a full-blown birthday party with cake and singing in the cafeteria (having conspired with our principal for permission).
To this day, I am in contact with many of them and they still reach out to me for life advice through social media as they navigate marriage and having children. If you had told me those first two months that these students and I would grow to have the amazing relationships we do now, I would’ve never believed you- as I felt their sole purpose at that time was to get me fired. Years later I asked the tough kid why he thought things had changed? His answer- “Because that day when you read us your journal, you showed us we were more than students to you. We became your kids. You never let us fail- even now you hold us accountable. That showed us you loved us.”
Those kids taught me! I learned four important lessons from them:
Keep your standards HIGH and hold them accountable, model respect
Take the time to REALLY get to know them
Support them in their extracurricular activities
Let them SEE YOU. Be REAL with them. Show them your heart.
I am grateful to them for these lessons, because they have made me a better teacher, and honestly, a better human being.
So, if you are struggling hard right now with a class- hang in there. I know how hard it can be. I know you have probably tried lots of things and you may feel as though you are barely hanging on. I hope that things get better quickly for you. I hope that my story and the things I learned from that experience help you as you navigate yours.
Hugs.
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